June 4, 2007

 

Many times when I am at grocery stores, malls, restaurants and the like, I see (and hear!) parents yelling at their kids. Not yelling for them to stop before they run into the street or other dangerous situations. Yelling for the kids to be quiet, yelling for the kids to stop asking for items, yelling at them to sit down and eat their meal, and so on.

 

In a bookstore years ago, I happened to see a book titled Lions Don't Need to Roar, by D.A. Benton (Warner Business Books, 1993). Lions are pretty powerful creatures who roar for various reasons. They roar to warn off predators, to warn of danger, and, as the joke goes, they'd sound pretty silly if they oinked! Roaring (yelling) to warn of danger is one thing. Consistently yelling (roaring) about every little and big thing is another.

 

When a child is insistent upon asking for items that you do not intend to purchase, say 'no' once. If they ask again, say something along the lines of "If you ask me again will my answer be 'yes,' or will it be 'you're grounded for the weekend?'" Then follow through. Consistency is the key to stopping the constant asking. It might seem over-the-top in relation to the "crime," but do you want to fight this battle forever and ever? Or do you want it end, now?

 

I find it strange to see an adult yelling, red-faced with eyes bulging and veins popping, for a small child to be quiet. They don't see the irony there, obviously. The child is often crying, probably from hunger, tiredness, and from the behavior of the adult in charge of him. I've noticed that the times that this occurs is usually around meal time or early afternoon when most kids need a nap or quiet time, rather than being lugged around from one store to another. It might be best to have someone watch the child, or arrange to do errands as close to after breakfast as possible, to be back home in time for lunch and a nap/quiet time. Being out after dinner and bedtime is apt to make anyone cranky, but especially so for a small child.

 

Before going out with your well-fed, well-rested child, set the rules. Then stick to your rules. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be a "mean mom" (or dad!)! Don't let yourself be worn down and give in to their pleas "just this one time." It will be the next time and the next time and the next time, too.

 

Yelling does no one any good, and can do lots of harm. With kids who are old enough, try to use humor. Be in control. You're the parent. You don't need to roar. It is said that the roar of a lion can be heard five miles away. I've heard a few parents roar like that in malls and grocery stores!

Don't be one of those parents who roar "How many times do I have to yell at you to get you to listen????" The answer to that question is none. Yelling is a sign of weakness, not strength. It is a sign that the parent is out of control. When parents are out of control, it often means that the kids are in control. And that is good for no one.

 

Be the strong parent who has no need to roar like a lion!

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Julie Clark is a freelance writer as well as the Web Manager for DrDaveStein.com, www.StopRAtoday.com  and www.AskMeanMom.com Julie also responds to parenting questions on the members' side of DrDaveStein.com